Monday, April 25, 2011

just.......................do it!


If you must say yes, say it with an open heart. If you must say no, say it without fear. -from Paulo Coelho's blog.
Deciding whether it's a go or no-go is the hardest part.
Once you're past that, just do (or don't do) it
and have no regrets.

Written @ 10:53 PM,
오늘밤은 무거운 마음으로 떠났지만
내일 아침 돌아갈때도 무거운 마음을 가지고 갈 필요는 없을꺼라는 생각을 하면서,
김현 씀.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

살아있는 꽃이라면 어제 핀 꽃하고 오늘 핀 꽃은 다르다.

Happy Easter!



<내이름은 칸> 에서 칸이 말하길,
사람들은 역사를 BC와 AD로 나누지만,
무슬림들에게는 BC, AD, 그리고 9/11이 있다고 하였다.

우리 한사람, 한사람의 timeline을 보아도 각자의 Before Christ가 있고, 그리스도를 만난 후인 Anno Domini가 있을 것이지만, 분명 또다른 turning point라 말할 수 있는 이벤트가 있을 것이다. 그게 하나가 아니라 여러번이었을 수도 있고. 대부분.

한 해가 바뀌면서 흔히들 New Year's resolution ("새해의 다짐")을 만들지만, 나는 사실 새로운 목표를 부활절을 기준으로 만들곤 한다. "부활"이라는 것에 많은 의미를 부여하기 때문이다. (그리고 항상 부활절 전야미사때는 감정적으로도 신앙적으로도 굉장히 충만되어 있음을 느낀다. 미사 분위기상?) 그리고 그 다음 월요일 다시 일상으로 돌아갔을 때 내 몸속을 순환하는 에너지가 대청소 한것과 같은 상쾌함을 느낀다.

크고 작은 다짐들을 우리는 얼마나 자주할까?
작심삼일...이란 말이 있듯이 결심을 하고 그것을 깨는 것은 너무나 쉽다는걸 우린 안다.
하지만 정말 괜찮다.
작심이 성공 못했다 할지라도 출발점으로부터 삼일동안 이미 우리는 분명 조금의 변화를 거쳤을 것이기 때문이다. 삼일동안 걷다가 돌아와도 딱 그 출발점, 제자리는 아닐 것이기 때문이다.

어쨋든
사람은 끊임없이 변화해야 한다.
죽어도 끊임없이 부활할 수 있어야 한다.
법정스님께서 하신 말씀이:
" 사람은 어떤 묵은 데 갇혀 있으면 안 된다. 꽃처럼 늘 새롭게 피어날 수 있어야 한다. 우리가 일단 어딘가에 집착해 그것이 전부인 것처럼 안주하면 그 웅덩이에 갇히고 만다. 그러면 마치 고여 있는 물처럼 썩기 마련이다."
그렇다 ;)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

1

그래도 베드로가 예수님께 “제 발은 절대로 씻지 못하십니다.” 하니, 예수님께서 그에게 대답하셨다.
“내가 너를 씻어 주지 않으면 너는 나와 함께 아무런 몫도 나누어 받지 못한다.”
요한13,1-15

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

girl with lilies -diego rivera

one: 청원기도

How can I tell whether what I am doing is also what God wants?

" You will know it.
You will feel a subtle but persisting peace from deep inside. "

I don't know.
My eyes are yet to see what I truly desire.
Dear Lord, please grant me the ability to discern, discern, discern.





two: 감사 기도

" The Lord GOD has given me
a well-trained tongue,
That I might know how to speak to the weary
a word that will rouse them. "
Is 50:4-9a

I have family who texts me words of encouragement every morning.
I have a friend who quietly listens and responds, " You must've been through a very difficult time."
I have a friend who doesn't miss even small details of my ramblings.
I have a friend who doesn't know what to say but says I can borrow ears any time I need to talk.

Thank you, God, for the diligent ears and well-trained tongues.
I wish to do the same.

Amen.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

"Jesus was deeply troubled"
Jn 13:21-33, 36-38


Last week, I received a question, " Do you pray to Jesus more than to God? "

Catholic Church believes in Trinity, which testifies that the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit all root back to One God. The question was from a protestant friend who was wondering what Catholic view of Jesus is.

Apparently, some branches of Christians take Jesus as a separate entity from the Father and the Holy Spirit, but I define each as different "faces" of God. From what I was told, Jesus is the human form of God and he is God. And this makes so much sense to me.

The verse I chose today stood out to me especially because Jesus suffers under the thought of his disciple's betrayal and is "deeply troubled." These words are very relate-able. We all share those moments with him. Jesus knows his Father's plan and understands that he will have to "lay down his life" in order to fulfill it. As a human, he is frightened. He wants to withdraw.

We see our God's human side. Through his suffering and death, we come to feel closer to Jesus as another human being, and by sharing the same human emotions, we can relate to his experiences in a better point of view. The concept of "resurrection" becomes clearer.

In order to reborn, there has to be death. Overcoming death is resurrection. We, too, can overcome what kills us and believe that we will born again.

Amen.

Monday, April 18, 2011

So we went this past weekend




Is 42:1-7

"Here is my servant whom I uphold,
my chosen one with whom I am pleased,
Upon whom I have put my Spirit;
he shall bring forth justice to the nations,
Not crying out, not shouting,
not making his voice heard in the street."


Everybody's been waiting during the long, harsh winter. Personally, this winter was harsh, indeed--inside and out, figuratively and literally. But the spring is that much more gorgeous. Things shine under this Korean spring, the one which is happening for the first time in a very very long time...1998.

It's Spring.
It's a long-been-awaited Spring.
:)

You know, everything has a spirit.
Just as God created this world with his words and put his breath upon creating human beings, even the most unnoticeable corner of the nature has his breath and his spirit residing in it. But because it's the Circle of Life (Simba!), its beauty comes and goes, we have to seize it while it lasts.

So I guess the lesson from the cherry blossoms--especially because they bloom in a blink of an eye and fade in the next split second--is to embrace the moments before they slip through your fingers. They are beeeauttttifffffulllllllll!


"토실토실"하다는 표현에 정말 몹시완전 공감이야!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

성주간 시작

1. "진정 예수 그리스도를 차지하고 싶다면, 결코 십자가 없는 그리스도를 찾지 마십시오."
- 십자가의 성 요한

2. 오늘 신부님의 강론 말씀 중:
예수님의 부활을 보면서 우리도 함께 부활할 것이라는 희망을 갖습니다.
우리를 괴롭히던 것으로 부터 해방이 되면서 부활을 맞이하게 되는 것이지요. 하지만 부활이 있으려면 죽음도 있어야 합니다. 내려놓아야 할 것들을 내려놓아야 우리는 새로 태어날 수 있는 것입니다.

3. 요즘 말씀을 읽고 관련된 생각을 이곳에 기록해 보기는 하지만,
난 사실 요즘 하느님과의 거리에서 전보다는 10발자국은 뒤에 서 있는 것 같다. 그것을 깨닳고 나는 오늘은 성체를 모시기 너무 부끄러워 졌다. 매일 말씀을 읽는다는 내가, 이곳에 올리던 글들이 부끄러워 졌다.

Friday, April 15, 2011

수박녀

"believe the works"


My latest "substantial" posting was on being real.
Yes the gospel--believe in my works, not my words.

My goodness, I really need to learn how to say "No!" when the situation calls for it.

No (English)
Non (French)
No (Spanish)
Nein (German)
No (Italian)

안되겠는데요(Korean)

I guess my inside and out are different.
Don't believe everything I say on this blog...

헤벌쭉

벌써 친해진 그 둘은 다정하게 저렇게.

나에게도 이번 주말에는
뇌를 잠시 옆에 꺼내두고
저렇게
TV 볼 시간이 3시간 주어졌으면 좋겠다
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

wise old tomatoe

오늘 아침 쥬스로 갈아먹은 토마토에서도 배울점이 있다.

한번은 친구의 카카오톡 대화명이 "토마토가 될래요" 여서 무슨뜻이냐고 물어보았더니 겉과 속이 같은 사람이 되고 싶어서 그렇게 썼다고 했던 것이 기억나는데,
예전~에 <토마토>라는 드라마에서 김희선이 했던 말도 그랬던 것 같다.

숨기는 것이 많은 사람은 함께 있으면 불안정하다는 느낌을 받는다.
그사람의 행동을 분석하고 추측해서 내 자신에게 이해를 시키는 과정에서 엄청난 오해가 생길 수도 있는 것이기 때문이다. 듣기 싫은 말을 듣게 될지라도 나는 머리속에서 한번 필터 시켜서 걸러낸 속을 보이는 것보다는 그 사람의 진실된 생각을 아는 것이 훨씬 낫겠다 생각한다.
입에서 나와야 하는 말이 있다면 돌리지 말고, 피하지 말고, 남이 알아주겠거니 바라지 말고 그냥 해야 한다는게 내 입장이다. 속마음의 고백도, 죄의 고백도 다 우리가 내 자신과 주위사람들에게 하는 배려이다. 이제 비밀이 많은 사람은 싫다. 비밀이 많은 사람은 용기가 없는 사람이다.

하느님과의 관계에서도 마찬가지이다.
카톨릭 교회에서 고백성사를 하는 것도 나의 죄를 인정하고 용기를 내어 입 밖으로 그것을 꺼내는 것이다. 비밀로 간직하고 싶은 것들은 누구에게나 있고, 그것을 드러내야 할 때 굉장한 용기를 필요로 한다는 것을 우리는 안다. 물론 하느님은 우리의 깊은 내면과 비밀까지 다 알고 계시지만, 그것을 우리가 인정한다는 것은 용서를 구하는 사람의 태도로써는 하늘과 땅 차이라고 생각한다. 친구 사이에서도 마찰이 있어도 대화 끝에 더 굳어진 우정을 발견 할 수 있듯이, 우리가 하느님에게 다가가는 방법에서도 communication은 정말 중요하다.

"How can you say, ‘You will become free’?”
Jesus answered them, “Amen, amen, I say to you,
everyone who commits sin is a slave of sin.
A slave does not remain in a household forever,
but a son always remains.
So if the Son frees you, then you will truly be free."
Jn 8:31-42

주의 기도에서도 우리는 이렇게 말한다:
"저희에게 잘못한 일을 저희가 용서하듯이 저희 죄를 용서하시고"
신학자 Scott Hahn의 말에 따르면 저기서 "저희"는 human이다. 고백성사로써 사람이 하느님 함께 하시는 자리에서사람을 용서할 수 있는 권한을 주셨고, 나는 신앙적은 측면을 벗어나서, 우리도 사랑 안에서 서로의 이야기를 진심으로 들어줄 수 있어야 한다고 생각한다.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

징검다리도 폴짝폴짝

" The one who sent me is with me.
He has not left me alone,
because I always do what is pleasing to him "


Back in the days when I was a Biology major, I couldn't understand why I have to go through a year of general chemistry, calculus, physics, and all their wonderful supplementary labs.

Amidst ochem class' 58% average midterm grades and hand-numbing nights of lab reports, I realize that Psychology, actually is my thing. But to take major classes, I had to take statistics and computer programming. I could not be more furious.

To be a hair designer, you start from washing people's greasy hair.
To be a chef, you start from peeling onions and washing dishes.
To be a journalist, you start from xeroxing a forest worth of trees.

We all know that there are stepping-stones to your destination.
That is, there is always a starting point and there is always a river that separates you from the end point. Our job is to cross that river...somehow.

People in my generation--we work hard and are often treated unfairly. Stress is our keyword and a common denominator. I feel that our conversational topics have skipped to work talk and all related stress from bosses, projects, late-night works, etc.

But friends, let us get there.
"You are not alone," says Michael Jackson.
"Just do it," says Nike.
God has not left us alone...ㅠㅜ

Cheers!

P.S. To Ph.D. pursuing students, my dear comrades:

ㅎㅎ 갈길이 멀구.......나

Monday, April 11, 2011

갑자기 마실중

“Let the one among you who is without sin
be the first to throw a stone at her.”


남의 이야기 하는것을 극도로 좋아하는 사람이 있었는데.
우리가 대화할 때 나 또한 벌거벗겨져 세워진 느낌이었고,
나는 가끔 이렇게 묻고 싶은 충동을 참아야 했다:
너는 어떤 사람이라고 생각해?


어쨋건 나는♬




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Sunday, April 10, 2011

avec mon Dieu

Last weekend on this blog, I was anticipating today's Gospel because it is the last one of the "important" readings that all candidates for Baptism is required to learn. Several parts of today's reading stood out to me. My own interpretations and meditations are attached.

1.
“Master, the one you love is ill.”
then Jesus heard this he said,
'This illness is not to end in death, but is for the glory of God
,
that the Son of God may be glorified through it.'”

Jesus reminds us that troubles do not take us to more fragile state but rather, they are means to keep us stronger and glorified. Through illness, we undestand our own weaknesses, and through illness, we experience God's mercy. Illness is granted only to the extent that we humans can take, and through endurance, we build character.

2.
"When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come with her weeping,
he became perturbed and deeply troubled, and said,
'Where have you laid him?'
They said to him, 'Sir, come and see.'
And Jesus wept
.
So the Jews said, 'See how he loved him.'”

Not many times in the scripture do I find Jesus in tears. To me, Jesus approaches to me as a different entity from the Holy Spirit because Jesus is the human side of God. When I read this verse, I felt God's sympathy and tenderness. He weeps when he sees his loved ones suffer. There are times when we view our misfortunes as punishments. But God may be crying with us at those moments, though he knows our encounters in life are directed for the better in the end.

3.
I am the resurrection and the life;
whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live,
and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die."

A familiar verse. This verse is the conclusion of the trilogy. Firstly, we heard that God is water, then we find that he is the light, and now, this verse--he is the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in him will gain eternal life. 이제와 항상 영원히 아멘.

갑자기 대전행

4월 10일 오후 1시 37.

영진공원에서 엄마 성가대 연습이 끝나길 기다리는 김현은 너무 행복해서 가슴이 벅차다. 끼야
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Saturday, April 9, 2011

good memories of ferraro rocher

"Then each went to his own house." Jer 11:18-20 We are all experts at categorizing people. It's actually quite impressive how many different ways we can come up with to group people according to gender, race, blood types, horoscopes, zodiac signs, etc. 심지어는 붕어빵을 머리서부터 먹는지, 아님 꼬리쪽부터 먹는지에 따라서도 인간이 두 종류로 나뉜다... That's true even when we watch movies or dramas, when the lines go something like..."There are two types of people: people who ____ and people who ____." Mother of Khan (in My Name is Khan) says there are two types of people. There are good people and there are bad people. What religion one has does not matter but it's the action of that person that determines which of the two he/she will belong to. I concur. Religion is a way to follow how one decides to act upon his/her relationship with Lord God. It's how we choose to glorify him. People might have different ways of doing that, and though others ways are different, we shouldn't discriminate or antagonize people just because they do it differently than you do. Tolerance, is what the movie is speaking of.

Friday, April 8, 2011

wherefore art thou, romeo

" I know him, because I am from him, and he sent me"


1.
When we meet someone for the first time, we like to ask,
"where are you from?"

That's particularly a difficult and complicated question for me, because I don't know where to begin. "Well, I was born in Korea but went through middle school and high school near L.A. But wait, let me tell you that I spent the most wonderful time in this San Diego during my undergraduate years. By the way, have you been to Boston? 'Cause I was just there until last summer! Sorry, did you want to know where I am coming from right at this moment? Oh, in that case--Seoul"

Such a great conversation starter :). Perfect appetizer for a delicious talk.

2.
It's much easier to predict when you know where it all started.

Similarly, you can get much information about a person when you know what background and culture they are coming from. (Don't be mistaken--I am not supporting stereotypes here).

3.
Now to the core question:
where are we from?
where are we directed?

If we can answer the first question, then the answer to the second question is given. automatic. impromptu.

4.
Gauguin asked the same question too.

Titled Where Do We Come from? What Are We? Where Are We Going?

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Lautrec, Marcelle Lender Dancing the Bolero in “Chilpéric” - Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec


"You search the Scriptures,
because you think you have eternal life through them;
even they testify on my behalf.

But you do not want to come to me to have life."



고등학교를 졸업할 무렵 나는 불교철학을 참 좋아했었다.
스님이 쓰신 책 몇권을 읽어보며 배운 명상 요법 중 정말 마음에 드는 것이 하나가 있었는데, 그저 눈을 지그시 감고 숨을 쉬기만 하면 되는 것이었다. 그 숨이 콧구멍에서 머리로 올라가 한바퀴 돌며 머리를 정화시키고 입으로 내뱉어 지는 느낌으로 호흡을 여러번 하는 것이다. 그러면서 내 자신에게 이렇게 말하는 것이다: 내가 숨을 쉬고 있는 한 다 괜찮다.

숨 쉬고 있다는 것을 느끼는 것만으로도 내가 살아있다는것을 느끼기에 부족하다면, 그때는 가슴에 손을 얹고 맥박이 뛰는 것을 느껴 보는 것이다. 오늘 인체생리학 교수님께서는 심장소리를 "뚝딱"으로 표현하셨지만 그 느낌은 아닌듯하다. 그렇게 둔탁한 소리보다, 야무지게 뛰어주고 있는 심장 소리는 난 잘 표현하지 못하겠다.

어쨋든 마음이 복잡할 때, 이렇게 살아있다는 것을 느끼는 것이 나에게는 정말 도움이 된다.
그리고 나는 그리스도인이니까 거기 "하느님" factor를 넣으며 명상을 기도로 돌리는 것도 참 위안이 된다.

가끔 무섭다. 내가 내리는 결정들, 지금 하고 있는 일. 갑자기 방향을 잃어 휘청거릴 때가 있고 빠져 나가고 싶을 때가 있다. 그럴때는 다시 중심을 잡고 나에게 말해본다:
나는 숨을 쉬고 있고 그것을 하느님께서 지켜봐 주시고 계시니 나는 지금 몹시 괜찮다.

오늘 말씀이 마음에 와닿은 이유는, 우리가 너무 성경에서, 율법에만 따라 하느님을 찾으려 한다는 생각이 들기 때문이다. 하느님은 사실 우리가 말을 걸면 대답하실 거리에, 숨쉬고 있는 이 순간에 우리와 함께 하신다 :)

Amen.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

이야기 도중 또 다시 하느님의 사랑을 느끼다

"Can a mother forget her infant,
be without tenderness for the child of her womb?
Even should she forget,
I will never forget you."
Is 49:8-15

Often times when I tell my stories to others, I am reminded of how things happened NOT out of random chance but in a cascade-like sequence. How my first internship introduced me to cohort studies and aging, then to my Boston fantasy, which eventually became the real life all contributed to my current research and my vision for the future, and everything engendered to the next. This I am sure.. Every transition brought with it a stringent adjusting period, but never in any of these moments God forgot me.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

“Do you want to be well?”

Jn 5:1-16

오늘 성서모임에서 고난, 그리고 하느님의 자비,
고난, 그리고 하느님의 자비,
고난, 그리고 하느님의 자비

........이런 패턴을 찾았다.




마치 cosine graph와 같은 이 패턴이라니..
사실 우리에게 일어나는 거의 모든 일들은 이러한 리듬을 따른다.
그렇기 때문에 조금 내려가는 느낌이 들더라도 너무 슬퍼하지 않고,
조금 올라가는 느낌이 들더라도 너무 자만하지 않으련다.
그냥 흐름에 맞추어 둥둥 떠다니다 보면 그 어떠한 순간 또한 지나간다.


Monday, April 4, 2011

허준

" 그러나 그들은 억압을 받을수록 더욱 번성하고 더욱 널리 퍼저 나갔다.
이집트인들은 이스라엘 자손들을 두려워하게 되었다."

- 탈출기 1:13

So tomorrow is the day that my new bible study group meets for the first time. This is part of Bible Life ( or "청년성서모임" in Korea) that I've been part of since high school. This time, I am studying Exodus, and while preparing for tomorrow's meeting, I found a verse that stood out. The more you suppress them, the stronger they came to be. That also reminded the infamous quote of Neitzche:

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Sounds like something that could be said in the army, but we can't help but nod our head to its very mastery. I can relate to this quote very much these days, especially because my research is going more slowly than I'd like it to be. And the person who is most unhappy about this speed (take a wild guess) has been very "harsh" in my presence. This exact English word was used by him.

What do you picture my reaction would be to such pressure? Yeah right, I am deathly afraid and stressed. But surprisingly and very fortunately at the same time, his comments fuel my mornings even more so and I am motivated more than ever to dedicate my time to my research. I mistakenly thought that this energy was a magic spell that I put on myself to avoid criticism, but I notice now that through this challenging time, I can realize and vision my dream more vividly. In other words, I am willing to--or I'd be glad to--pass this tunnel to see the brighter light.


장애물은 우리가 원하는 것이 얼마나 간절한지를 느끼게 해주는 도구라고 하였다 :) 그리고 그 간절함 뒤에 오는 성취감은 또 얼마나 달콤할까? 생각만 해도 정말 폴짝폴짝 뛰고 싶어진다.



Picture title: "Sleepless Nights With Ochem"
일년 내내 유기화학에 대적하면서도 난 그런 마음가짐 (+표정)이었다.
그래- 네가 죽나 내가 죽나 한번 해보자구 (불끈!)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

" Everything exposed by the light becomes visible,
for everything that becomes visible is light. "

What I learned from mass last night:
Traditionally, there are three readings which are taught in all Baptism classes. The first one is the Gospel from last Sunday (Jesus' encounter with a woman of Samaria at the well; Jn 4:5-42), the second one is the reading of this Sunday ( Jn 9:1-41) and the last one--next Sunday.

Last week's Gospel portrays Jesus as "water," the source that fulfills our undying thirst. Today, we saw that he is the "light" of the world that opens up our blinded eyes. I haven't looked yet at what the next week's Gospel is, but all these metaphors imply that He leads our way to eternal peace.

Through Him, our destination becomes visible, and through Him, our thirst is quenched.

Many times, we are pressured to make important decisions
...and we are more vulnerable to be tempted by the outside voices. But I hope I remember that He is the light and compass of my way, and as long as I stay in him, no decision will do me wrong.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Friday, April 1, 2011

말-우절



"
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul,
with all your mind,
and with all your strength.
The second is this:
You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
There is no other commandment greater than these."

성극은 작년 이맘때였다.
그때 나는 과거의 죄를 뉘우치는 사형수 역할을 맡았는데 오늘의 말씀이 내 첫 대사였다. 그때는 무대에서 대사를 까먹지 않는다고 무조건 외우기만 했었는데 오늘은 좀 천천히 생각해본다. 왠지 어제 포스팅의 연장선인것 같기도 하고. 우리는 하느님을 믿는다 고백하고, 하느님 말씀을 읽기 전에 뭐가 첫째로 중요한 건지 다시 생각해 볼 필요가 있지 않을까? 믿는 방법에 너무 많은 중점을 두는, 교회 안 많은 사람들은 말이다.

말이다..말이다? horse?
이거 오늘 내가 써먹은 조크인데 ;) 해피 만우절!