The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr

Before it gets too late

a bunch of thankfulness...




1.

All the wonderful talks happening over steams of hot coffee/ latte/ tea..whatever that is capable of burning your esophagus.




2.

Dr.Shepard's smile (or Derek or McDreamy). Get yourself a cup of soymilk and cookies and give a chance to Grey's Anatomy already!




3.

한국에서 날아온 상자에서 이성호씨 향기가 풀풀난다. 한글판 성서, 공지영씨의 <빗방울처럼 나는 혼자였다>, 내복...그래 쟤들, 내가 부탁한 것들. 하지만 그냥 그것만 보내실 엄마가 아니시다. 누룽지, 손수건, 안도현씨의 <그대에게 가고싶다>, 직접 수놓으신 손수건, 또 역시..만드신 구슬 목걸이. 나의 수도꼭지를 튼건 아무래도 파리바게뜨 빵 봉지들이 아니었나 싶다. 커피랑 먹으면 맛있을 빵과 쿠키가 1인분씩.

엄마, 아몬드 쿠키 그건 내방 노랑머리랑 갈색머리랑 나눠먹었더니 대한민국의 제빵/제과계를 찬사하는 발언이 끊임없이 나오더군효. 그리고 엄마, 나 눈물 나와서 저기 3번 손수건으로 닦았는데 아침에 회사갈때 쓴 화장품때문에 벌써 얼룩이 져서 가슴이 아파욤. ' _'



4.

앨리쓰가 가지고 있는 책중에 <너도 떠나보면 나를 알게될꺼야>라는, 제목이 너무도 마음에 드는 여행기가 있다. 사람들은 자신을 발견하러, 자기의 위치에 대해 생각해보려고 여행을 하지만, what, 내 여정 중 너를 알게 될꺼라고?

나는 그 어떤때보다도 새로운 세상에 똑 떨어진 요 몇달간 나의 사람들이 나에게 어떤 존재인지에 대해 더 많이 배우게 되었다. 그들과 나의 관계도 더 잘 보이고, 우리의 사이가 어떤 의미인지 더 마음 깊이 느끼게 되었다. 정말정말 많이 고마워요, 멀리멀리 내사랑들. 러브홀릭 노래 가사처럼, "눈감아도 볼 수 있는 내 사랑"들





5.


저에게 왜 그러셨어요, 하다가도 곰곰히 생각하고 항복! 다 잘 되었다, 고 순응하게 되는걸 보면 정말 삶은 우리보다 더 많은것을 알고있는 듯하다. 결국에는 그분이 이기신다. 따져 물을 여부가 없이 결국은 그분 보시기에 좋으실대로 되었고, 나도 맞아, 그렇게 되서 참 다행이야, 라고 생각할테니깐. .

보영언니 블로그에서 너무 마음에 드는 사진 발견. 비딱선 잘못 타면 정말 한없이 페시미즘의 바다로 흘러갈 수 있는 [가족없는] Thanksgiving이 었지만 통통한 터키와, 쫀득쫀득한 인절미와, 입에서 스르르 녹는 당근케잌이 나를 FULL 싸인이 켜질때까지 채워주었기에 허전함을 느낄 공간이 없었다.
하지만 그 무엇보다도 너무나도 고마운 사람들과의 유쾌한 대화가 가장 감사합니다.

알면다쳐

HAHAA! thanks ;)






My poor, curious friend George,
the price you pay for being curious is just too much..

The Curious Incidents of the Tuesday Morning

just a few of them...

1. I woke up to my cell phone alarm, while having a dream of a 92 year-old lady. This lady I met yesterday for a home visit. And why was she in my dream? I don't know..

2. There was barely any car entering into Route 9 from Centre St. (Usually, most of my morning traffic comprises of this area) I was curious and also a bit hopeful that today might be a holiday. But of course, I'd never fail to mark that on my calendar.

3. I made myself a cup of mocha this morning. Try it: half pouch of Swiss Miss hot cocoa mix + half pouch of Taster's Choice instant coffee mix. It was surprisingly (and curiously) good.

4. Michael got a haircut and I commented on it. I usually never notice changes in male hair styles.

5. I didn't find out why, but there was no need for me to do the pregnancy test for this one lady. I already had my bright blue gloves on and was ready to touch that cup of pee.

6. Rick asked if I wanted anything from Starbucks, but I said no thanks, convincing myself that my coffee craving for the day is satisfied with the good mocha.

7. I ended up driving myself to Starbucks after talking to Rick. Got sidetracked, however, and went to Wholefoods instead. Wanted to try Greek yogurt, got it, and now, I am eating it with my Yogurt Burst Cheerios and a Gala apple. Oddly good.

8. I am truly curious-- why do I feel like I have so much free time today? I was extremely busy at work for the past two weeks, and it's only normal that I find endless piles of things to do, but I actually have time to scribble on my blog!

9. I have to go to the hospital now but am so curious of where/when I last saw my name tag =\

p.s. The title of this posting is inspired by one of my three current readings, The Curious Case of Dog in the Night Time. This guy Mark Haddon understands my world.

훌쩍

여행

여행은 힘과 사랑을
그대에게 돌려준다. 어디든 갈 곳이 없다면
마음의 길을 따라 걸어가 보라.
그 길은 빛이 쏟아지는 통로처럼
걸음마다 변화하는 세계,
그곳을 여행할 때 그대는 변화하리라

- 잘랄루딘 루미

여행을 좋아하는 사람이라면 저 글에 공감할 것이다. 글쎄 난 그랬는데.

류시화씨 잠언시집 <지금 알고있는걸 그때도 알았더라면>을 읽다가 언젠가는 잘 써먹으리라-하고 일기장에 적어뒀던걸 오늘밤 다시 꺼내어 보았더니 역시 좋다 =)

주말에 뉴욕에 다녀왔다.
큰 의미 없이, 그저 마음 맞는 사람들이랑 마음에 와닿는 음식이나 찾아다니러 떠난 짧은 여행이었지만
그래도 여행이라는것이, 힘과 사랑을 불어주지 않고 날 돌려보내는 일은 없나보다.
돌아오는 버스안에서 해지는 줄도 모르고 생각을 하면서 오다가 그저 행복하다고 느꼈다.
그리고 돌아올 곳이 보스턴이라 참 다행이라 생각했다.

He responds:

A poor widow came and put in two small coins, the equivalent of a penny.
Then he called his disciples and said to them, 'In truth I tell you, this poor widow has put more in than all who have contributed to the treasury; for they have all put in money they could spare, but she in her poverty has put in everything she possessed, all she had to live on.'

- Mk 12:38-44

It must be that the world's greatest teachers have rulers of different scales.
or malfunctioning calculators.
Or it could also be that they talked amongst themselves and reached a general consensus to deny modern education in math, because against all we know about 1,2,3's, we hear that having less is more, and more is less.

As it's apparent in my last entry, I was greatly troubled to see human brains functioning in a quantitative system. Some of my close friends shared their thoughts on this issue (♡), and God has responded to my concerns too, in his subtle but powerful way. He tells me through the Gospel that I don't need to do any calculations myself. Foremost and all, other people--should keep their hands off.
He himself does it all.
Only He knows how much is in that penny, and that's all that matters in my universe.



내 진심이 그들에게 안보일때; 나를 이해하지 못할 너.
쿨한척 하다가도 억울한 생각에 마음이 축축해질때면 다 괜찮다, 그 소리를 찾았다.
내속에 내가 너무 많다는 "가시나무"의 가사가 와닿는건 내 마음대로 세상을 조종하고 싶은 욕심때문이겠지.
내안을 비워야 고요속에서 목소리가 들릴테니깐.

요 몇달간은 명상보다도 묵상을 했는데 이 하루 30분덕분에 마음이 많이 편하다.
모든것에는 시작이 반이라고 했나- 혹시 마음속 파도를 잠재우고 싶은 사람이 있다면 먼저 Target에 가서 마음에 드는 향의 초를 찾고 시간이 없어도 일단은 집에서그걸 켜보길 권한다. 눈이 저절로 스스륵 감기고 차분한 생각이 퐁퐁 솟을 확률 89%. ;)
Brazilian carnaval이란 향의 자주색 초는 내가 살면서 가장 잘쓴 $5였다.

This agile mosaic of my beautiful childhood fairy tale is falling into pieces.

In search for the Truth, I've been living my life by vehemently following what attracts me and swimming toward that which is the most representative of me. But I realize that this may not be the wisest way of dealing with the adult world. In this peculiar combination of factors that define an "adult"--entering into the mid-20's, entering the job force, building reputations, etc.-- I find it more difficult to connect to the percolating world outside of me.

Most of all, I hate having to calculate.
I've never liked math as a child, and it cringes me to think that it still troubles me until this day. The Little Prince was right: the grown-ups love numbers. Some things more qualitative, are dealt in such a quantified manner that we become incredibly skillful at converting almost any encounter to a nasty give-and-take relationship.

We shouldn’t have to worry about drawing the mental line to cue friendship versus infatuation.

We shouldn’t have to work hard in order to please our bosses or that sort of higher figures.

And most of all, we shouldn’t be calculating how opened s/he was to us in order to share our own pellucid interiors.

But of course, it is much easier said than done. Be truthful. Such a cliché, isn't it? I just want to be me and hope that people would accept my words and actions as the mirrors of my unembellished soul. The deepest of a soul doesn’t need decorations, after all.

Kids I met in Mexico.

아이들에게도 배울점은 참 많다. 그들에게는 참 신비한 마법이 있어 항상 곁에 두고싶은걸.

웃고싶을때 웃고, 싫은표현에 솔직하고..유치한게 아니라 이게 진정으로 사람 대하는것을 아는것이 아닐까. 사람 말고 다른것에 가치를 두면서 더 바보가 되어가는것이지만, 어른들도 한때는 오신부님께서 말씀하시는 인격적인 관계를 잘 맺는 종족들이었다.

i feel it in my fingers

October adjourned.
It was more an adagio than a vivace; more a cello than a violin; and more a p than a f.
I loved the autumn-ness, and have thoroughly enjoyed its freshness.
I feel free, and I am free! whee-!!