Sunday, January 30, 2011

그녀는 박쥐였던 것이다

Happy medium, we say.
Extremes are risky, so we are most content with the "in between" scenarios. Makes sense.

Another reason why mediums are blessed: as this world is evolving into the era of hybridism, ability to adapt to broad field of ideas works favorably amongst civilized species, and those who can embrace both get to be the ones who flourish. It's the infamous survival-of-the-fittest-schema. Consequently, we see the never-drying well of neologisms, of new terms representing combination of two discreet concepts.

As a Konglish speaker and a biopsychologist, I may be able to say that I am an avid practitioner of medium-ism. I find myself always putting one foot on one side and one foot on the other. I am the happy medium, the middle person, the either/or [or maybe neither/nor]. It's a huge advantage that I have--being able to taste the best of both worlds--but many underestimate that I pay the price of recurrent identity crisis.

Mediums aren't always happy.
Some worlds have things only in black and white and there comes a time when mediums have to take a side.

There comes a time when a Konglish speaker has to decide where she fits more, of whom she wants to work for, and how often she can go without seeing her family.

There comes a time when when a biopsychologist has to discern whether the purpose of her life is to treat patients, to research, or to educate younger generation. Or on a count that she has a womanly goal, she might consider being a homely mother someday too.

Because, all their lives, the mediums have been given with the option of switching to a different side in case where the first option fails, they are not good with choosing just one side. When the reality demands that you just choose one, an unhappy medium just wants to.....fly away.



Like them in Lovers Over the City by Marc Chagall.

4 comments:

  1. right there with you. korean citizen residing in america speaking konglish, double-majored, and still pursuing dual-concentrations masters program. owner of two cat breeds (one premium and one um... stray? haha) and i always choose caramel swirled vanilla ice cream - low-fat for the sake of irony.

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  2. I get the impression that 'having to choose sides' is the source of your not-so-happiness. Yes, there comes a moment when we need to shift, let some things go, pick up a new burden -- aka make hard decisions.

    But try to enjoy the process. Having to make a decision means that one has a choice, and choice is a blessing in itself. There are many who do not even get the options. One knows deep inside that having choice cannot truly be a source of unhappiness.

    You may want to fly away from making decisions, but I suggest facing them. Mull over them, recognize what possible consequences are. You will find your options are not that frightening little by little. If you fly away, answers will find you when you are least prepared.

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  3. i really agree with the above comment.
    Having choices is a blessing :)
    우리 모니는 지혜롭게 선택 할꺼야 :)

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  4. I've enjoyed the process.
    I've liked this flexibility.
    That was possible, mostly because I could delay making those decisions until...I don't know...LATER.

    You are right--having the option itself is a big blessing and yet another advantage of the mediums. It also got to be very strongly that "answers will find me when I am least prepared" when I am just drowning in the pool of pessimism like this. But like I said in the texts- identity crisis.

    The fundamental questions ("what do I want to become," "where do i want to settle") are unanswered, and this instability makes myself vulnerable to the sounds of the outside world. More simply put, I am just confused.

    I will be fine.
    I will face it, fight it, and find it.

    thanks for your feedbacks. truly.

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