What does my heart know

In the search for God, we justify the rules that are [for the most part] created within the level of human consciousness, and we revert from what attracts us to swim toward what we think is difficult. That, we do with firm faith that following God's rule is enduring those difficult things, and this idea can easily lead us to believe that process of redemption is something that must be a self-whipping process.

Not necessarily so.

God in my universe doesn't want me to abandon my comfort and source of my happiness. He is equally disheartend when I am sinking, and he cheers besides me at the euphony of my laughter.

My God doesn't punish, but instead, brings hardships for us to bear so we learn ways to find the "later better-ness" which in foremost, draws us to understand his incredibly intricate ways of loving us.

I taste God's love. I get the grasp (only a grasp) of how my life should be directed. But quite honestly, I don't agree with every steps the Church teaches me to follow, nor do I understand why some catechisms are written in such ways. But I don't want to consider myself less a Catholic than somebody who has blind faith in everything they learn. I keep my relationship with God by talking directly to him, and I want to make this point very straight--that I don't believe in church, but I believe in God. I don't mean to downplay the importance of Church; we gather to praise God, to learn more about God, and to cultivate the community of God, which conclusively direct us to developing + maintaining strong faith. But even then, we should keep in mind that everything we do in church is still carried on my humans, and the ultimate measure of your faith is out of Church's control. It's in you.

As long as we are only humans, we are in no position to determine whether we are "saved."
What kind of rules do you follow to know that we are "saved"?
There is no right or wrong, but there is you and God.

So please, no pointing fingers at whose way of being Christian is wrong. Only you know how close God is standing in your radar.

God is love. We all hear that. That's why my God looks like that ↑
Fr. Eugene said so too.